Got Rave?!? News

Today at work I was chatting with a woman from California while fixing the problem. It was a bit wierd because the whole time we sat chatting about life, and the whole time we were fixing the problem. But the wierdest part was I actualy enjoyed the phone conversation, a really big first for me in a while. Normally after about a half hour I just want people off the phone. But this was different, I don't even remember what the convo was about *chuckle*

Don't know what that thought was really about but it should be stated, or at least I felt it should be. What is really on my mind right now is a dream I recently. Its started tame enough. Starting in the den of my family's house with a couple of friends just chillin. I closed my eyes for a moment and let this quiet silence seep in and kind of stayed there for a while. When I opened them I found myself in a bare living room, surrounded by boxes. It was an unfamiliar living room but it felt familiar at the same time. I was kind of stumbling around trying to figure out where i was when a girl walked in and told me to get off me lazy arse and help with the boxes. Which I did immediately. We fnished moving the boxes in the truck and were unpacking having a good time messin around when it finaly dawned on me this was my gf and I was in Seattle. One of those dreamy flash of insights. I was pretty pumped because I have a couple friends that live in Seattle. We still unpacked and made the place a general mess, I was never good at keeping a house clean. When a gray car pulled into the drive way. My friend got out o fthe car with tears in her eyes. I immediately walked over and asked what was wrong. Her answer was a bit of a shock as she revealed she was pregnant. Both my gf and I started consoling her when she deepened the plot. According to her, I was the father. WHOA!! Wake up time!

Now I bring this dream up only because I want to ask you. How many of you believe dreams are a part of your subconcious, a part of you really wants your dreams to happen. Its a bit disconcerting because I know I could never be more than a friend to this girl. But does my heart secretly yearn for more? And what of this so called gf. is she real somewhere? or is my sadistic mind making her up to taunt me? *laugh* Oh well just thought was a wierd dream that needed to be out. Like I told my friend Julia, LIVE LIFE! Experience it! It's so boundless and full of possibility. You can always change life, or at least the circumstances of it. It's mainly a question of how much you want to change it and how much you're willing to put in to change it. So we should all just GO! And live LIFE! Heh, this seems to be my theme lately, still gnawin at that bone to to speak.

So much negativity in the world, why? Is it in human nature? Are we destined to be at each other's throats for the rest human existance? Never finding that Utopia that each human seems to yearn for? That happy idyllic existance. where there is no war or dissention. Harmony and peace, a great idea. Ya know? I guess as long as we believe ourselves superior, we will never find that Utopia. As long as one human being can look down upon another we're just pretty much SOL aren't we? Not snowball's chance in H-E-L-L, when we can look at each other and laugh at other hardships or shortcomings. I guess that is a pretty harsh generalization. But if we can't just accept each other yeah, SOL city. But if we lose that aspect, will we still be human? Will losing that tiny bit of brutality make us something different, or even more? I rarely have feelings of violence or hatred now days. Why? Because it just seemed to take too much effort to be pissed or hate someone.

I ask people with grudges..."Doesn't all that hate get tiring?" I know I feel exhausted when I have those feelings of hate running through me, and they leave. I'm just totally drained then. I guess it can be said some people find power and motivation through their hatred. But, power is fleeting, is it not? There one moment gone the next? Ever elusive and always putting the urge for more within your heart? Soon you aren't running your life, it's your hate that is in control. I don't think I could ever knowingly put my life and my fate into something or someone else. I'm too much of a control freak to do that, well as far as my life is concerned. There are plenty of times I float along through life, but those are the times I'm in control or so I think. Feels like it anyway. But did hate get me here? No. I did. That is what I want to say when I get older. "I got myself here, through my choices and actions, I ended up here." Not because of some happen stance circumstances, or that I became so consumed by something that it now controls me.

Nothing is out of my control, I can change it or I can whine, I prefer to try for the change. Yeah things happen but there is always the choice to change it. I will always do my best to remain in control, My affirmation or new goal in life. I know you can't control everything but you can control your response, or I can control my response, rather. I know life will never be as I plan it to be, there are too many variables as such, but you can take as much as you can and experience it. But I'm sure someone out there is beating the odds as we speak so I'm sure I can too. Together let's experience life!

I sat and watched some storm clouds creep over the mountains the other day. And thought of how dark and menacing the clouds looked. What made them look even more menacing was the fact that the sky grew darker and the clouds seemed to roll in rather than just float on through. Just not a pretty picture ya know? Almost terrifying. But when the got overhead they became my best friends. They rained, I could spend hours listening to the rain and not getting tired of it, the subtle sound of the falling rain and the intermitent flashes of loight and the booming thunder, its all great. The sounds of it just soothing and comforting, just like you're getting a new start. Or even a bit of escape by these sounds. A quiet moment, or memory that lives in my mind for the rest of my life one that when I have a tough moment I can usually think of and relive. To help calm myself. I don't know its just kind of kewl how something so manecaing can be so soothing and like a friend when it finally hits. Yeah like I said..."A thought".

World problems, country problems, state problems, city problems, my problems, which seems more important? RIght now? I think it would be my lack of motivation. So that would be a personal problem right? I prefer to think of it as a global problem. If I'm not motivated I don't work, if I don't work that's one less productive person in the workforce. As well as one less tax payer, national problem and city problem. Less that moneu the country has less say in global polotics, global problem. Wow my writing sucks today. UGH!! I really don't have much on my mind today. Why is that? Normally I'm a babblin brooke. No. Well that was quick, yeah it was.

Aggravating, thats how life seems to be when you meet those unforseeable problems, that would describe a recent day very well. But I guess all you can do is buck up and try to retain some small hint of happiness. I try but today it's hard. Is is that familiar twinge of lonliness which seems to creep up on me? If so how do I end those silly feelings? Aren't I happy as I am? Is this the feeling that forces women to stay in dead-end, abusive relationships? Or stay in one of those relationships that they may say they want out of, but stay because they abhore that feeling of lonliness. I do too and manage to keep it at bay, except for these moments of quiet deep reflection. Like now I suppose, though it's hard to truely express myself because I'm at work. And work loves me. I guess I should love it back or something. But sometimes it's hard to tell. Or something like that. Work usually feels like a burden most of the time, but it is also a bit liberating, it gets me out o fthe house and I do something other than watch my body wieght get bigger *chuckle* Though I do feel like an idiot at times, all right all the time while I'm at work. But I got to thinking about internet love the other day. And what a lark it can be. You fall for someone's personality, or supposed personality, good idea. But you meet and no sparks, awkwardness follows. Ewwwww. Laughable and scary that a need for this love thing can happen with faceless people. It's good because while online we are all equal, but we lose that social interaction, you need that, I would think. We humans are social animals and need some sort of intimate interaction form time to time. That human contact is a necessary part of life. That's probably why children are turning out to be as bacd as they are. They need that parental interation to mak ethem good, loveable kids.