Got Rave?!? News

If ever there was a need for advice and help, it would be now. My life seems to be moving along quite well right now. It's a great feeling and a wonderful time for me. Though in the back of my mind I am always thinking it has to end sometime. That seems to be my life. Some highs and some lows, more lows than highs though. *smirk* But I can really feel great on those highs. I often wonder what is going through other peoples mins when I look at them. Are they wondering what I'm wondering? Are they wondering what kind of person I am? Are they wondering what I might do to them? If so that is a sad way to live. In perpetual fear of what others might do to you.

Kind of sucks like that, you really can't experience life lik that. A totally removed perspective on life. Experience? NONE FOR YOU! If you live in fear, that is. Life is all about experience and joy. Men are, that they may find joy. Or so I've heard. I like that!!! JOY!!! Find it, love it, make it be yer pal. Jump into it and grab life with both hanbds. And do what you will with it. Make it fulfill your desires and dreams. Go, go, go, never quit or think of quitting, that just makes you someone I'm sure you would rather not be. At least someone I would rather not be. Go forth and show some love. Heh> Sounds like some sort of deranged broken raver, dont' I? PLUR. I've often wondered if people can really live those beautiful ideals. Or is all humanity incapable of such beauty? Are we all inheirantly unable to comprehend the prospect of love. Love for our fellow man? Can it possibly be such a hard thing for people to understand? Or practice? Cleary history points to a resounding no, though I always like to think of myself as an optimist, so I think it's possible. That humanity will in some way be better in the future. We all think like that don't we? Hope for a better and brighter future? Though we can't seem to change no matter how educated or superior we seem to our ancestors. That same kind of deep hatred is still there. Waiting.

It's rather humorous how humans interact. For the most part people come and go in one's life. But from time to time we need a reminder that the ability to interact is what keeps us sane.It's rather odd that walking down the hall people find it hard to smile or even find a kind word. I think that's why I've always liked raves.

People put down the facades they've erected to the outside world. All encompassing respect and love. It's a great time to be around these people. To feel their vibe and run with it. Disconvering new things about yourself and others. Simply meeting new people. It's a beautiful thing. But I come back to reality disillusioned, a little depressed even. Simply because these simple ideals, these small little acts are never seen on the street. Why?

Why can't humanity just live together in harmony, or at least in a cacophonous debate. Not this senseless slaughter or mutual disrespect,war, and other not so happy things. To live in a society full of respect and love towards each other. Can human nature make the leaps and bounds needed to establish this society? Or are we doomed to relive our mistakes because of our arrogance. Knowing we are better than our predecessors. HA! If only that were true. A small percentage better may be better, but as a whole, humanity is still no better that it was 30 yrs ago. Albeit more sly and able to hide it with smoek and mirrors better. That and the ability to rationalize things is even more prevalentl, until we lose one or both we will never be "better" than we were before.

You ever just have one of those moments where the world stands still and nothing matters except for you and who ever may be sharing this moment with you? I had that happen a little while ago. It was just freakin amazing, let me tell you I was stuck in this moment in time at a party with someone. Its just felt like it could go on for ever, it was freakin amazing that one moment in time seemed like the epitome of all moments in time its was a single moment forever frozen as well as being one of those moments I will never forget. Just a perfect moment stuck in time a memory I will cherish for a long while, just because at that moment it seemed like it would go on forever, and when it finally ended, it was almost like waking up from a dream. All I could do was sit there for a moment and wonder what just happened. I just looked at my friend and she looked unfazed by the whole thing but I was lost and just stuck in the moment.

Why do I write about this you might ask? I have no earthly idea I guess I just wanted to know if anybody else out there ever experiences those moments frozen in time? And ask if that's what it will be like when I fall in "love".

People are so afraid to live life! Why?!? Life is a thrill, a chance to live our dreams and achieve our ambitions. To find "love" and "joy" and experience the feeling of "completeness" within a relationship. To feel, to be, TO LIVE! That is our purpose. Or so I would think it is. To feel is human. My brother and I sat outside one night and talked about the wonders of the universe and Dark Matter and stuff. I offered the theory of humanity finally getting along and reachihg utopia. My brother just grinned and said..."We wouldn't be human anymore." A good thought for a pessimist *grin* We will learn harmony, some have, others will follow. Don't you think? Ah well, all I know is I will live life and try to minimize the regrets I may encounter or feel. Just live and save the reflection for your death. And even during those reflect on times of your happiness or joy.

Do people really read what other post on the internet? Or is all this babble and text just for the people creating the webpages? I mean seriously, who would take the time to read what I have to say and what I think? I have a hard enough time understanding what I write myself, how can I expect someone else to understand it? But then again all things considered it has helped me keep from trying to kill a couple people. Heh. But such is life I would guess. Can you believe that some 23 yr old bum is just filling the net with nonsense right now? Neither can I. But I did promise an entry a lot better than the one before. Though it is kind of hard to top the babble that I threw at ya last time.
Do you ever have feelings so deep for a person that it is almost impossible to hate them? Yeah I have one of those. My ex-fiance, she was a great girl and she and I had good times, she was also my first love. I guess thats why its so hard for me to give her up. But I realize I do otherwise I will be destined to live life full of regret and unhappiness, not a very kewl existence if you ask me. I think what I remember the most about her is her smile, and a couple lessons she taught me. Have faith in yourself. If you don't have faith in yourself who else will? And never give up on love, I was totally unprepared for the emotions and disposition she brought around in me. I wasn't ready for the heavy relationship I had with her, not by a long shot. Now I've grown up and realize that.

Yes she did break my heart and in a pretty harsh way. She called me one night and said we needed to call our engagement off, I asked why and she insisted it wasn't another man. Well two days later I met her new bf, her new roommate. OUCH! Yet I can't find any hard feelings for her, I wish her the best, and want nothing but good for her. Does that mean I was whipped and can't get over her? Or have I I gotten over her and just showing how much she meant to me? What ever the reason I just can't seem to wish any ill on her, though I can find plenty of mean and nasty things to wish upon my last gf. Cindy if you ever happen to stumble across this, I hope you find yourself in a worse position than I'm in. WOW! I do feel better *grinz*